The Interrogation Room: Fist Fights, Henry VIII, Loathsome Athletes, and Yeet
The Green Room debuts reader questions.
Q&As are a mainstay of any successful publication, partly because writers like the free prompts, and readers like the chance to collaborate. Some of my first forays into publishing were questions submitted to McSweeney’s in the early ‘00s, yet I’ve never had my own Q&A. So this is it, the Interrogation Room. I asked a good friend for some inaugural questions and he generously obliged.
If you have a question or two for a future rendition of the Interrogation Room, send them my way!
Have you ever been in a fistfight as an adult? - Maurice C.
A moonshot right off the bat! Wouldn’t you like to know this about everyone? The answer is three times, though none in anger.
My first adult fight was in the Army during hand-to-hand combat training. After learning the principles (something about power triangles?) the drill sergeants told me and my battle buddy Pvt. Little to sit in a sandpit back-to-back while the rest of Alpha Company circled around us. Then we fought but there was more grappling than punches and Little won once and I won once and then we were done. We were good buddies so I was glad neither of us established dominance.
The other two fights were with my roommate Brandon. We were living on our own for the first time in an apartment off 155th and Stark, and very into Fight Club so we figured we’d try our own. I had a slight size advantage, but Brandon was much more aggressive and I got overwhelmed and dropped my head and he landed a clean hit on my chin and clearly won the first round.
I thought about that fight a lot the next day and when I got home I said something about my jaw being sore, and that’s when Brandon attacked again. I was ready this time, though, and kept my cool and I got in some body shots until he relented. I suppose those fights were also a draw, but Brandon was convinced I broke one of his ribs and I’m sorry to say I’m kinda proud of that. No fights since!
Which faith tradition do you have the most wonderings about or that makes the least sense to you? - M. Cowley
I have two separate answers here.
I most wonder about “the Great Spirit” worshipped by the Algonquin, Sioux, and other Native American nations. My mostly British ancestors converted to Christianity from animism and paganism, which I think is partly why our default image of God is robed and bearded like Odin or Zeus. The faith of some First Nations in an eternal, generous, and overarching spiritual force who ties together all of creation seems much more in line with stories of YHWH in the Bible. Faith in the Great Spirit definitely shaped American Christianity, but I often wish it’d shaped it more.
The faith tradition which makes least sense to me is Anglicanism. I know the Church of England is a legitimate denomination with many centuries of considered theology, so it’s not the congregants or doctrines that throw me, but the origins. Reformers like Calvin, Luther, and Zwingli were complicated men, but their methods and reasons for leading the Reformation were practically angelic relative to Henry VIII.
The Tudor king was a loud advocate for the Catholic Church in his youth, but broke from the Holy See when the Pope wouldn’t sanction his divorce from Catherine of Aragon. During the English “Reformation,” Henry seized monasteries and Catholic Church property in order to enrich the throne, then squandered that plunder on invasions of Scotland and France. He married five more times and executed around 57,000 of his countrymen, including two wives.
You could call Henry a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but he seemed more interested in wearing ermine. It’s understandable so many British Christians fled the Isles for North America over the next few centuries. There may be more twisted faith fathers in world history, but few had the lasting impact of the execrable Henry VIII.
Who's a sports figure that you just despise as an athlete for one reason or another but you still gotta give them props for being good at their job? (This question brought to you by Tom Brady winning the Super Bowl yet again.) - MC
Brady, Kobe and MJ are a whole triumvirate of athletes I once despised yet now grudgingly respect. Shaq is their opposite: an athlete I used to admire and now do not because he’s a bullying grump who drags down every Inside the NBA broadcast. I’m not the only one who thinks this.
There are only two pro athletes I despise, though: Grayson Allen and Richie Incognito. Allen has a pretty fadeaway and Incognito is a force on the o-line, so I get why they have jobs, but they’re also unrepentant goons who make their livings off cheap shots and petulance. I know the Holy Spirit calls me to love my enemies, though I still wish I never had to watch these guys injure other athletes ever again.
What “young person’s thing” are you unapologetically into even though you’re an “old guy”? - Maurice Cowley
Even though they’ve been a cultural mainstay since the ‘70s, I’m gonna go with video games. I don’t know why so many of my peers dismiss gaming. The art design and storytelling is often masterful and they’re collaborative and thought-provoking in ways no other medium can match. Video games bring in more revenue than the film industry and North American sports combined. Yet I still get mostly condescension from anyone my age or older when I bring them up. Folks who mock gaming remind me of the fogies who tsk-tsked when printed words surpassed oral tradition. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go spend a few hours slaughtering enemies in Verdansk.
Also, I am grateful for all the young persons currently popularizing “yeet.” Does yeet count as onomatopoeia? I don’t know, but I love this fresh new verb and I hope it lasts forever.
Thanks for reading, and thank you to Maurice for helping this launch! Got questions for the Interrogation Room? Please email or text them my way. I need more material to knit my little wordscapes!