Readers, I have a confession: Lana and I kept COVID-clean all this time and I was so proud about that! We were a shining beacon of health in a sea of pestilence. Perhaps the virus had even tried to infect us, only to crash flimsily against our mighty Immuno-fortress gates.
But no more! The gates were burned down. My pride is cast low. I tested positive on Monday, and Friday, Lana did, too.
The world’s already seen >620 millon cases of COVID, and mine is relatively mild, so nothing I can report will be new. But this is the first time I’m hosting this little SOB, and so I’d just like to list some items which weird me out!
Symptoms are so distinctive from day-to-day. There was a slight sore throat one day, then the next that symptom was gone, but I felt malaise and mild aches. Then those were gone and I had a cough and night sweats. Then a stuffy nose which is lingering. I’m currently on day three of no-smell, though I otherwise feel fine. It’s as if the bug is meandering through my body, flipping switches on, and then, with disturbing politeness, turning them off again. No illness in me ever felt so insidious and systematic.
The symptom I feared most was brain fog. How long will last? I mondered. I still think I think as good as I used to think and probably still write good, too, but who knows, though? God, maybe?
The symptom I feared second most was loss-of-taste because eating is my highlight of almost every day, and I am here to tell you: eating without taste is miserable. Well, maybe not fully miserable. There is still the chewing, which is nice, and the satisfaction of swallowing and filling up my belly. And there are sensations on my tongue like, That feels sour or That’s still spicy, but none of the olfactory complexities. It’s like all the passion is stripped out, which is nice for my waistline though not my soul.
One thing which tripped me out from Day 1 of the pandemic was how often early spreaders would travel to pass the virus. Maybe these were anecdotal, and simply the cases which spread, but I have wondered more than once: Is there an aspect of this virus which sparks wanderlust? Viruses have all sorts of tricks in their toolbox. And since this one feels like it’s all over my body flipping furniture, a zombie-ish desire to get social is one I’d like trained scientists to research further.
While I was active on Friday and Saturday, I held out hope that I’d avoid one of the terrors of COVID: passing it along to others. But based on Lana’s delayed timeline, there’s no more likely culprit for her infection than me. Have you ever given a disease with potentially lifelong repercussions to your child? Or had to text her friends’ parents to admit that, if debilitating sickness passes through their house, it’s your fault? Well, that was my Friday morning. Lana described this dynamic over dinner as “the opposite of survivor’s guilt.”
That the reprecussions aren’t as deadly as they were in the first two years is some relief. However, almost 400 Americans still die every day from COVID.
To be fair to myself, the odds of keeping Lana healthy as a solo dad were low. Was I supposed to utterly neglect her for a week? I don’t have the wherewithal to keep all air currents and surfaces sparkling clean when I’m healthy, let alone when I’m riddled with a brain-numbing pathogen.
Finally, I’ll list what I’m grateful for:
That I was vaxxed and boosted.
That I didn’t host an earlier version of this bug.
An empathetic and caring community who’ve offered so much.
So that’s my COVID experience so far. There are probably other incredible anecdotes to share, but the brain fog is obscuring them from view.
Finally, I ask for prayers up for my li’l gal, who’s still fevering, and prayers up for everyone for whom this illness was far worse, including the 6.5 million who’ve died, and their countless loved ones. There’s a reason we’ll be processing this pandemic for decades.
Jordan, I hope you and Lana recover quickly. Sending good thoughts and energy.
Surrounding you and Lana with healing prayers and caring love 🙏